Vanilla windows and two months of memories.

I am currently sitting in the ACU library on the second floor next to the big open windows. There is a woman, sitting approximately twenty yards from where I am, having the loudest phone conversation in the world. Apparently, someone was very upset for having not received an invitation to a friend's wedding and it is causing her significant stress. Her husband (the one allowing the world to hear her conversation) is stressing out to the point of paranoia, and supposedly has issues deciding on what to wear in the morning. Did I mention she has a small child with her who is banging things on the table? Oh, thank the Lord. Her phone is about to die; and that conversation is over. Oh, but then her child starts talking to her after she gets off the phone yelling "mama" and she hushes her. Be quiet child, we're in a library, but I'm going to call someone else and have another loud conversation. Child is now singing. And she is stilllllll talking on the phone. JUST DIE ALREADY. The phone, not her.

Aside from my extreme annoyance by this woman who evidently never learned proper library etiquette (who just claimed to the person on the phone that she is in the child's section of the library...which she is not...so that her kid could play--leave please), I have been people watching/reminiscing about last semester. I should be studying...but no studying is going to occur while this dang woman is yelling in the library.

Things I have observed from the window in the library: a guy was pulling another guy by a leash on a skateboard. Not sure what that was about, but alright. Some kid meditating under a tree--legs crossed, arms resting on knees, the whole bit. A lot of texting..nothing to exciting. ACU isn't the best place to people watch--I find that there is a lot of fairly generic people that go here. Not a lot of crazies, unfortunately for me right now.

Other than the very vanilla view from where I sit, I look out across campus and think about my time here. My first memory of ACU was when I was a lot younger. The fam went roller blading around campus and I believe, if my memory serves me correctly, that my mother twisted her ankle pretty badly. Ha. My next memories of ACU would take place second semester of my freshman year. I wasn't attending ACU at the time, but I was up here a lot, visiting Mabee dorm and the library. That's when Sadie and I met and instantly bonded over the common dislike for another person, haha. ACU seemed a lot more intriguing back then. Then I started attending school here in the fall and quickly became engulfed in the whole "college" scene. I decided to rush and somehow fooled myself into believing I could be a "social club" type girl. That didn't last. I quickly became annoyed with the drama and politics of it all. It was fun for like a whole minute. And then, probably my best memories of ACU involve Kyle. We would have never have met if it weren't for this school--well not unless God so greatly intervened in our lives. I remember spending an amazing afternoon in the Quiet Place in the bible building with Kyle, laughing, crying, talking about God, taking pictures. It was good--great even. I have a memory of the library, only 10 feet from where I sit...where we attempted to work on homework together, but just ended up talking. It was only like our third time to hang out and he told me straight up that he was not interested in me--so much for that, haha! ACU will always and forever remind me of Kyle Jones. The funny thing is I only knew Kyle for the last two months that he was at ACU. Out of the years and years that I have had relations with this school, it is two months that I base the way I look and feel about it.

Well, enough of me procrastinating...it's time to study. So long.

life goes on.

just so we are all on the same page here, this is my life.

on the 31st of this month, i am taking the TExES test to become certified to teach high school reading and language arts. along with the test, i have to complete 30 hours of observation, 40 hours of online training and 40 hours of face-to-face training (in dallas). once i have completed all of that, i will be eligible to teach school. whoop!

although there was a serious scare, i am still graduating this december! i got everything straightened out with my department and now everything is on-track. so, i will officially be a college graduate on december 11, 2009! yay!

also, i am no longer moving to dallas in december. after much serious consideration, it was deemed that it would be best if i stayed here until kyle and i get married and i get a teaching job in dallas. so, i will be in abilene for another whole 6 months or so...this decision is bittersweet for me and kyle but it is what is for the best.

so since i'm not moving to dallas in december, kyle decided that he would get a place of his own for him and OUR PUPPY! yes, we have a precious little baby named laney. okay, so she may be more like a dog than a puppy, but she is amazing

none-the-less. she is so precious and i can't wait until we all get to live as one happy little family:)

there she is...isn't she precious!! >>

anyway, last weekend we found kyle an amazing little apartment in one day and moved him in the next. it was truly a blessing from God! it was an amazing find--great location, very nice apartment, and a great price. it is perfect for him and laney:)

and i must say that i am sad that i can't be there with them. kyle and i have been together for seven months now..and five of those seven months have been long distance. by the time everything is said and done, we will have been long distance for at least a whole year. an entire year of being apart. ugh. and let me tell you, it is not getting easier. if anything, it's just getting harder. but the good thing is we both know that not neither of us are going anywhere. we are both in it for the long haul. oh man, i love him:)

well, i think that's all for now. but life goes on..so there will be more later for sure! stay tuned!

these are a few of my least favorite things.

people who "whisper" in a group setting while someone else has the floor. just shut your mouth. like we learned in first grade, unless you are about to throw up or go potty in your pants, there is no need to talk to your neighbor while the teacher is talking.

perfectionists. listen, i'm all for having high standards. but when your world practically ends because of one bad grade, on one assignment, in one class..i'm just going to tell you to get over it. i understand that getting bad grades sucks. i don't like getting bad grades. but something your parents may not have told you is that, you aren't going to succeed at everything in life..and in fact, you really can't do everything if you just set your mind to it.

group projects. okay, listen. i like working in teams, that's not what this is about. but when you expect me to have time, outside of the time i'm already required to be in your dang class, to coordinate my intensely busy schedule with 3 other people, i'm going to expect you to accept the fact that i hate you. okay, hate is a strong word...but know that you have now been added to my least of least favorite things. (which this semester is growing by the second)

reality television. sure, it's entertaining, but to call if reality is for sure false advertising. there is nothing real about the bachelor, or even the real world. in the real world (not the show, but actual reality), five strangers don't actually just up and live in some pimped out house where they don't really have to work or take care of any responsibilities. sure they are real people, but most of their actions are provoked by directors to make the show "entertainment worthy."

people who are obsessed with celebrities. i don't really feel like this needs to be explained. maybe this will move out of my least favorites when i become a celebrity and have a million people interested in all my "tweets" about the miniscule, useless details of my life. then again, maybe not.

there are actually many more things on my least favorite things list..but that's really all i feel like sharing right now. another one of my least favorite things is being bored, which is where i currently find myself.

XO

i am a bipolar freak.

well, turns out i AM more than likely going to be graduating in december. can i get an amen?? AMEN!!

also, kyle and i decided not to move in with each other right after graduation. this is probably one of the most mature decisions we have made and i'm really proud of us for it. he is going to get his own apartment and i'm going to...hopefully find a roommate to live with me in dallas somewhere. haha

anyway, life is back to being GREAT and i just wanted the world to know:)

update.

here is just an update on my life (which i currently hate)

i'm no longer going right to graduate school in the fall of 2010. i'm actually getting my emergency teaching certificate and am going to teach school for a little while, high school english to be exact. i actually take the test for certification on the 31st of this month. yes, halloween. so hopefully all goes well. before i am truly certified though, i have to complete 30 hours of observation, 40 hours of online training and 40 hours of face-to-face training.

so in addition to altering my future, i am now also no longer graduating in december..which is why i currently hate my life. it seems as though i was misled into believing that psyc 311, elementary statistics, was the only statistics course i needed to take to satisfy the requirements for my degree. when in fact, i actually need to take psyc 451, stats for psychological research. FML. i am going to have to stay in abilene and attend acu for one more semester just so i can take one class.

so as you can tell, my entire future is completely altered. and i am not happy about it. the end.

conundrum.

i can remember a time when my i was so completely certain about my future plans. i knew it all, or so i thought. then life continued to happen. i was faced with the reality of my plans and other events and ideas and plans seemed to creep their way into, what i had thought, was so set.

to teach or not to teach?

since i will be graduating with a bachelor's in december, i am faced with the option to attain a teaching certificate which will enable me to be able to be a teacher. if you know me, then you know that this was my original plan when i started my collegiate career in the fall of 2006. but as time when on, things changed (as usual) and i changed my major to psychology and decided i wanted to be a counselor.

now, you may be asking "why are you going back to teaching if you want to be a counselor?" and my answer to you is this: i have a desire to do both. i still want to go to graduate school to get my master's in counseling psychology, but i'm just not sure if i want to go right now. i think that i would really enjoy teaching school for a while and then going back to get my master's.

pros and cons.

the pros of teaching first: i would be able to have a decent job after i graduate (or soon after--as opposed to two years after if i were to go to graduate school). i've always had a desire to teach and i would be able to. i think that my training in psychology would also come in handy in school--a teacher has a significant impact on a child. being a teacher would enable me to have weekends and summers off, a long with all holidays (talk about amazing). there is a high demand for teachers these days so finding a job would not be difficult. also, by not going straight into graduate school, i would be able to mature and get settled down without having to worry about school and homework. also, i'm wanting to go into marriage and family counseling and given the extended time off, i would be able have experience in those areas before going in to practice, creating more credibility for myself.

the cons of teaching first: the postponing of my post grad education could deter me from ever actually attaining my master's. although getting settled without worrying about school and homework sounds great, i'm going to have to worry about it eventually and it would probably be better to worry about it in the beginning than when i'm trying to start a family. also, by postponing graduate school, i am going to have to start paying off my student loans until i am in school again. this is not exactly ideal.

any advice? ..i mean it may seem like graduate school right after i graduate is the clear choice..but why do i not feel 100% about that? how can i seize the day when i have no clue what to seize?! ..oh.my.m.g.

ahem.

for those of you that don't know, i'm speaking in a small group chapel tomorrow and i'm pretty excited. the fact that i get to share something about God to a group of people is thrilling!

since, it is quite impossible for everyone to attend my small group chapel (which is actually for transfer students only), i felt the need to share with the world the small bit of wisdom i will be imparting on the people who attend transfer sg chapel tomorrow. (it will be slightly modified so that it can apply to everyone)

martin luther king jr. once said "the true measure of a man is not how he behaves in moments of comfort and convenience but how he stands at times of controversy and challenges." in my attempt to avoid the stereotypical "God provides" speech, which he does, i'm going to go out on a limb and challenge you, maybe even make you a bit uncomfortable.

as Christians, or what i prefer to be called "followers of God," we tend to relish in our perfect church attendance or profound knowledge of the Bible. both of things, although great achievements, are simply not enough to even give ourselves the label "Christian." after all, even an atheist can attend church every sunday and know the stories of the Bible. there is an absolute difference between knowing about God and knowing God.

john 14:6-7 read “Jesus answered, ‘i am the way and the truth and the life. no one comes to the Father except through me. if you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. from now on, you do know him and have seen him.”

being a Christian is a lot more than just perfect church attendance and memorizing bible verses. it’s about a personal relationship with God. in john 14:7, Jesus uses the verb ‘to know’ three times to talk about what he wishes for the disciples in terms of a relationship between himself and them, or God and them. in both the greek and in the old testament hebrew, the verb ‘to know’ has a connotation far beyond what we can really understand. in fact, it’s covenantal language and has everything to do with a personal, intimate relationship between God and his people. there are actually places in the old testament where the verb ‘to know’ is used sexually—“adam knew eve, and she gave birth to a son.” now, i’m not saying that our relationship with God is sexual, but i do think that Jesus chooses to use the verb here in greek because he wants to get across to his apostles how personal and intimate they are to be in their relationship with him.

just as you would spend a lot of time with a new friend, or potential significant other, to get to know them, you also need to spend a lot of time with God getting to know him.

the thing about church and even the bible is that you can tend to use these things as a crutch within your relationship with God. as these things will give you a better knowledge and understanding of who God is and what he does for his people, it will not develop a personal relationship with God for you (just as your dating for dummies book is not actually going to get you a date, without action on your part). i am not saying that these things will not aide your personal relationship, but they will definitely not create it or maintain it for you.

so, all that being said, i challenge you to look at your own life. if you take away the religious gatherings you attend and your knowledge of the Bible, do you have a personal relationship with God?

self-prophesy...i quit

in my intro to counseling lab this morning, we did some role playing to work on our basic counseling responses. it was...interesting...and a little awkward. we were paired up with another person in lab (which my lab only has seven people in it..six present this morning) and one person acts as the counselor while the other acts as the client. acting as a client is harding than it sounds. we did several different role play scenarios so that the person acting as the counselor could implement several different responses we had learned. me and my partner had stories from being pregnant and not knowing who the father is to having known a guy for two weeks and eloping. it was all just great fun. (note the sarcasm, please)

after realizing i would never make it has a novelist, i headed to chapel--come to the quiet--where i decided to sit alone today so that i wouldn't be distracted and could spend some quality time with our amazing Lord. well, so much for that. a few rows behind me, someone was blaring rap music on their ipod. the guys directly behind me were whispering and scoffing the entire time, not to mention the girl who found it more important to discuss that she was eating a pb&j for lunch rather than silently worship God. my prayers during chapel consisted of "please Lord, give me the strength not to turn around and say something indecent or make a scene in the middle of chapel. amen."

so, my day is already going..not great..or even good..just fine. i go home after picking up some lunch at sharky's and eat and work on my homework for my class at 3:30..which wait, i should still be in right now.......except for the fact that i never went. and why, do you ask i skipped class today? well, to bring you to the whole "self-prophesy" part of the deal, back during the role playing part of the day, when i was acting as the client, i made up this whole story about how i was extremely stressed out from helping with my brothers and sisters (all made up of course) and it was just really wearing me down. well, my mother asked me to pick up my youngest brother some food today and take it up to his school before i had class. you see, he had his very first football game today and all the little boys have their moms bring them some food before the game. so, i go get his food and i go up to school. as i'm walking in the front door of the school, the principal stops me and says "football food? you can't leave it here. they should have gotten a note about where to drop it off. go around back!" now, this guy was the principal when i went to school..and he has always been a jerk. so, i go and get in my car and drive around back. now where exactly am i supposed to drop off this food...? no clue. it's about 3:00 about now, so i call my mom. she doesn't answer. i call her at least 6 more times..and no answer. so i finally decide to call her up at the high school, where she works. except that i didn't have the number to the high school...so i called 411. the number 411 gave me sent me to the administration office, which then after a series of "press 1 for ____, press 2 for ____" i finally got transferred to the high school...where i was then on hold for almost 10 minutes waiting for my mom. she then tells me she doesn't know what to do either, because evidently she never saw this "note" and she tells me to text my brother and tell him i'm waiting. well, i text him..a few times...and call him, and nothing. i don't even see him in the hordes of little jr. high boys pouring out of the school..so i wait, and wait, and wait, and wait. 45 minutes pass and still no brother. i call my little sister to get ahold of my mom (because, oh yeah, she lost her cell phone...) to tell her that i still haven't seen him. she tells me to keep waiting and says "don't you have class?" to which i reply "welp, guess i'm not going since i'm almost 30 minutes late" ...then after about 5 more minutes, i see these twerpy little boys loading onto the bus..so i give up and go home. his food is now in the refrigerator..and i, instead of being in class, am writing this blog about how annoyed i am.

today is just one of those days when i want to quit life. not die, just quit.

i am an INFP.

after you read the title, you were probably like..you're a what? in-ff-puh..haha.

in one of my classes we recently took a personality test called the myers-briggs. and it turns out that i am an INFP (introversion-intuition-feeling-perceiving). most of the things, i already knew, but i felt as though it may be beneficial for others to understand better how i am.

people with INFP preferences have a great deal of warmth, but may not show it until they know a person well. they are very faithful to duties and obligations related to ideas or people they care about. they take a very personal approach to life, judging everything by their inner ideals and personal values. (all of this very accurately describes me)

INFPs stick to their ideals with passionate conviction. although their inner loyalties and ideals govern their lives, they find these hard to talk about (this definitely just happened a few days ago). their inner tenderness is masked by a quiet reserve.

in everyday matters they are tolerant, open-minded, understanding, flexible, and adaptable. but if their inner loyalties are threatened, the will not give an inch. except for their work's sake, they have little wish to impress or dominate. the people they prize the most are those who take the time to understand their values and the goals they are working toward. (thus the reason my close friend count is kept at a minimum)

their main interest lies in seeing the possibilities beyond what is present, obvious, or known (hence my desire to go into a psychological field). they are twice as good when working at a job they believe in, since their feeling puts added energy behind their efforts. they want their work to contribute to something that matters to them--human understanding, happiness, or health. they want to have a purpose beyond their paycheck, no matter how big the check. they are perfectionists whenever they care deeply about something.

INFPs are curious about new ideas and tend to have insight and long-range vision. many are interested in books and language and are likely to have a gift of expression; with talent they may be excellent writers. they can be ingenious and persuasive on the subject of their enthusiasms, which are quiet but deep-rooted. they are often attracted to counseling, teaching, literature, art, science, or psychology (well, well, well).

the problem for some INFPs is that the may feel such a contrast between their ideals and their actually accomplishments that they burden themselves with a sense of inadequacy. this can happen even when, objectively, they are being as effective as others. it is important for them to use their intuition to find ways to express their ideals; otherwise they will keep dreaming of the impossible and accomplish very little. if they find no channel for expressing their ideals, INFPs may become overly sensitive and vulnerable, with dwindling confidence in life and in themselves (kyle has witnessed this first hand with me).

INFPs tend to be private in their enthusiasms and often enjoy artistic activities such as creative writing, playing music, keeping a journal, or taking photographs. their love of language may lead them to collect poems, quotes, and books. they generally prefer intimate, informal social encounters and dislike large conventional gatherings. although they have a strong need for time alone and personal expression of their leisure, they may neglect this because of overcommitment to work. other recreational possibilities for them include appreciating nature, visiting art museums, or attending films and performances.

so i think that if you know me in the least bit, you can totally see pretty much all of that. and if you don't know me at well...well that's me! i'm an INFP.

everything is meaningless.

as i lay in bed aimlessly perusing the internet, i decided to look through all my tagged photos on facebook. this menial task begins to create a mix of emotions inside of me. i feel as though life is passing by so quickly that i am hardly able to enjoy it. i look back at the moments captured in the pictures and think "ah, that was fun" or "man, those were good times" but what do i have to show for all that except for some pictures?

i guess that's life, though. it is difficult to truly enjoy anything on this earth in the moment because after all, it's just that: a moment which will pass by and soon be forgotten.

and that is why the things of this earth are meaningless, everything is meaningless (ecclesiastes).

"a man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. this too, i see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat and find enjoyment? to the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. this too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind." -- ecclesiastes 2:24-26

my last semester...

well, my last semester of undergraduate school is officially underway. technically it was all "underway" yesterday..but whatev.

monday started off fairly well. the first thing i had was chapel at 11 am--i sat with my group of transfers from WW and kyle, of course:) (he came into town late saturday night and stayed until this morning) after chapel, kyle and i ate at sharky's then just wasted time on campus before i had class...at 3:30 pm (yeah my first and only class on mondays starts at 3:30 haha) i went to class--intro to counseling--and it was good. i have a psyc professor that i have never had before, so i don't really know what to expect from him, but he seems to be someone i'll get along with. that is probably the class i'm most excited about. i want to get my master's in counseling psyc so i think this class is going to be a good indicator of what i should expect...or at least i hope it is. anyway, after class kyle and i went to the campus store where i purchased $250 worth of books...for 1 class. yes, you read me correctly. 1 class's books = $250. just shoot me now...i'm taking 17 hrs...that's like 6 classes. blah. well after that, we went and saw some of kyle's friends and then went home, where i helped cook dinner for abbie's birthday.

today did not start off as well as monday. first of all, i was completely exhausted when i got up this morning and secondly, kyle had to leave me:( my first class was at 9:30 am which was persuasion, a communications class that seems more like a business class to me. i like the professor for the class, i've had him before, but i am thinking about getting out of that class and into something else. this is my last semester, and i don't really want to be stuck in some class that i dread going to everyday. after class was chapel, dr. money spoke about the importance of chapel..it was...good. after chapel, i hung out with a couple of the people from the group. we just sat outside (in the shade, of course, because it was like 98 degrees outside) and talked before they headed to lunch and i headed to class at 12. my next class was child development, which is also taught by a prof i've had before, and i think it's going to be a fairly decent class. i had teams and team leadership right after that at 1:30. that class is all about group work, which i'm not really a fan of, but i think it will be a pretty fun class. and now, i'm just hanging out at home until my night class at 6 pm: parenting and family skills. (all of my classes just sound sooo difficult don't they..haha)

anyway, i just can't believe this is my last semester and that i'm graduating in december. i feel like i have so much that i need to do before then to prepare for graduate school and moving and life in general.

it's such a bittersweet moment.

on the one side, i'm graduating college!! i'm actually going to have a college degree. and i'm going to be able to live somewhere other than abilene. kyle and i can finally start planning for our life together...and living that life together. it's very exciting.

on the other side, i'm not done with school. i'm leaving ACU--which although i may complain from time to time--it really is a great community and an excellent learning environment. i'm moving away from my family..for good. i'm an extremely family oriented person, so that is a huge deal to me.

any way you look at it, it's going to be a big change. luckily, i have God to lean on.

well, welcome week started on tuesday and things have been going fairly well. i had 10 people show up the very first day and now we're down to 8, but i'm ok with that. everyone gets along, and we don't have any debby downers (thankfully). so far we've made it through 3 days with almost 100% (well of the 8) attendance! praise God for that. even though i went through this same process last year, the experience this year is so much better. i decided to be a little more extemporaneous (adj. improvised; done without preparation) after the first day, which has made it more like us all hanging out, instead of like class. i'll tell you what though, this "leader" thing is wearing me out. my family may beg to differ, but i am not a very extroverted person and having to constantly be energized and encouraging and up in front of a group all day has been taxing. i've been more irascible (adj. easily angered; prone to temperamental outbursts) with kyle and my family than normal this week. and even though i tried to use welcome week to exculpate (v. exonerate; to clear of blame) myself, but i know that's no excuse. and i'm sorry to those i have yelled at or been short with.

other than welcome week, my mom had surgery today. she had a tumor removed from her thyroid. she is currently still in the hospital, but so far everything seems to have gone well and they think that the tumor is benign which is a definite blessing. once my mom is out of the hospital, i'm sure she will say that she is inured (adj. accustomed to accpepting something undesirable) about the whole thing and try to just go about business as usual. but hopefully i can get someone other than myself to help around the house (which is generally a very arduous and almost impossible task to do around here).

today is also my little brother's sixteen birthday! the fact that he is sixteen today is so crazy to me. that and he is at least a good 2-3 inches taller than me. kids, they grow up so fast. haha

just a side note, at least with my studying for the GRE my blogs are somewhat eloquent (adj. well-spoken, expressive, articulate) and almost void of ingenuous (adj. artless; frank and candid; lacking in sophistication) thoughts. haha (by the way, that makes 6 words for today!)

welp, catch you on the flip side.

ugh.

well let's see.  welcome week starts tomorrow.  audrie leaves tomorrow.  my school email account is being retarded.  the love of my life and i got in a fight about money today, of all things.  i am two days behind on learning my 5 words a day for the GRE.  anything else?  ...probably.

i've been trying to write out my schedule for welcome week to assuage (v. to ease or lessen; to appease or pacify) the work load ahead of me.  i just really need prayers that i am able to be the leader that these transfer students need.  transferring to a new school is arduous (adj. strenuous, taxing; requiring significant effort)  and I know that from experience.  i want to be an audacious (adj. daring and fearless; recklessly bold) leader without being too over the top.  i hope and pray that God speaks through me this next week.  i want to positively impact the lives of these students--i want to be someone that they can come to if they ever need anything.  i want my title as transfer peer leader to become axiomatic (adj. taken as a given; self-evident truth).

other than welcome week, i can't believe that my little sister is going off to college.  she'll be four hours away from home.  my feelings about her being far away are fairly discordant (adj. conflicting; dissonant or harsh in sound).  i am so excited for her to be going to college;  to finally get to be her own person and experience things out from under the wings of our parents.  however, i am really going to miss her and i worry about her.  not because i think she is going to pull some chicanery (n. trickery or subterfuge) when she goes off to college, but because she is my little sister!  she is so pure and so innocent and i worry about what the world is going to try to persuade her to think and believe.  she is so disparate (adj. fundamentally distinct or dissimilar) from most other people her age.  she knows what is important in this life, and she does not waste her time with the things of this world.  even though she is my little sister, i really look up to her and respect her.  audrie, if you read this, please don't censure (v. to criticize severely; to officially rebuke) some things that you will come across in college.  although i do not want the world to influence your beliefs, i think that it is important to experience things in life.  i know that you can be fairly canonical (adj. following or in agreement with accepted, traditional standards) when it comes to things, but it's not bad to do things in an untraditional way.  for example, don't be afraid to stay up late on a school night!  or to eat a pint of ice cream for dinner:)  that's what college is all about!! (okay, not all about but it's part of the experience)  anyway, just know that whatever you are going through in life, i have probably already been through it.  so never be afraid to call me, for anything!

so on a completely different note, i just want to talk about kyle and i for a bit.

if you are reading this blog and don't know me--kyle is my boyfriend/love of my life/future husband.  we have only known each other for 5 months but that doesn't matter to us.  from the get-go, things were completely unconventional with us.  when we met, neither of us wanted to be in any sort of convoluted (adj. complex or complicated) relationship (since we had both just gotten out of one) so we started off our relationship as purely and strictly friends.  we both presented ourselves in an austere (adj. without adornment; bare; severely simple; ascetic) manner because we were not trying to impress each other, which has actually served us well over our relationship.  i knew within two and a half weeks of knowing him that i was going to marry him, even though he was fairly capricious (adj. inclined to change one's mind impulsively; erratic, unpredictable) with his feelings about me in the beginning.  after a series of events, his true feelings were finally disabused (v. to undeceive; to set right).  5 months later, we are totally and completely in love.  we are planning on getting engaged before december...but that is completely up to him (he is the one asking, haha).

anyway, take note that i used 13 new words from my GRE frequently used words list:)  that almost completely catches me up for the 2 days that i missed.

GRE preparation

oh the joys of preparing for a standardized test.

wait, i've never actually taken the time to prepare for a standardized test, haha.  but i am now.  within the next couple of months, i have to take the GRE (graduate record examination) and i have decided that i would like to increase my chances of getting into graduate school along with receiving scholarships by studying for said exam.

so today, i went by BAM to get a GRE prep book.  thirty-five dollars and a painful conversation later, i am now the proud owner of the princeton review's "cracking the GRE 2010 edition." and thus, my journey to amazing GRE scores has begun.

i do not exactly pride myself on my vocabulary, so i decided that that would be the best place to start.  i am taking it upon myself to learn 5 new vocabulary words a day (all of which are in the list of GRE frequent words).

word #1 abscond

v. to depart clandestinely; to steal off and hide

i hope to abscond to dallas in december.  of course, i will only appear to be an absconder to some.

word #2 aberrant

adj. deviating from the norm

kyle and i moving in together before marriage seems aberrant to others.

word #3 alacrity

n. eager and enthusiastic willingness

The alacrity of Abbie during summer band did not go unnoticed. :)

word #4 anomaly

n. deviation from the normal order, form, or rule; abnormality

to me, it is not an anomaly that i will be moving in with kyle.

word #5 approbation

n. an expression of approval or praise

the fact that i have to be at work in like 20 minutes is not received with approbation. :(

well, time to go to work and try to put to use some of this new vocabulary!

four months.

it is exactly four months until i will be a graduate of abilene christian university.  four months until i move from the place i've known my whole life.  four months until i embark on an adventure with the one i love.  four months.  in some ways, four months seems so soon...but in others, it seems like an eternity.

in four months, i will finally be free.  free of my past (high school, relationships, etc.) and free to live in the present.  the next four months will be spent living in the future--counting down the days/months until i graduate/move, conversations about future living arrangements, marriage plans, and even just when it is we can see each other next.  once that four months is up, that will be no more.  i can finally just live in the present, plan for the now, seize the day!

in attempt to make the next four months better, i'm going to try not to live in the future all the time.  i mean, i still have plenty that needs to be taken care of right now, i can't spend all of my days thinking, planning, worrying about the future.  like for instance, i need to get healthier.  so instead of planning on working out--i'm starting my workout today!! (after this blog actually:])  also, starting on the 24th of this month, i'm going to have 17 hours of school to keep me busy in the here and now.  i mean, yes, it does actually take some work to graduate from college:]  and along with school, working out, my job (that regardless of what my shirts says, i do not love), and trying to keep up with all my precious transfer students, i'm going to take these next four months to work on me.  the core of who i am.  i want to become spiritually strong and diligent.  one day, i'm going to be a wife and a mother, and i want to be the best wife and mother i can possibly be.

anyway, the gym is calling my name.  peace.  love.  & mariska hargitay.

.l.o.v.e.

"love is patient, love is kind.  it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs.  love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth.  it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  love never fails." --- 1 corinthians 13:4-5

this is the kind of love that i seek to give others.  it is utterly and completely unselfish.  

this kind of love goes against our natural inclinations as humans.  this kind of love is so difficult to have in this world.  this kind of love is only possible to practice with the help of God to set aside our own desires and instincts, so that we can give love while expecting nothing in return.

"and now these three remain: faith, hope and love.  but the greatest of these is love." --- 1 corinthians 13:13

love is the greatest of all human qualities and is an attribute of God himself (1 john 4:8).  faith is the foundation and content of God's message; hope is the attitude and focus; and love is action.  when faith and hope are in line, you are then free to love completely because you understand how God loves.

i have to admit that my attitude and focus (my hope) have not been in line lately, and it has inhibited my ability to fully love.  because of my poor attitude and lack of focus, i have not been patient or kind; i have been rude and self-seeking; easily angered and lacking trust; i have kept records of wrongs done against me and at times didn't feel like persevering.  to those who have been affected by my lack of hope, i truly and sincerely apologize.

the thing about this love, God's love, is that it is unselfish and unconditional.  He doesn't only love us because he is expecting something in return, and we shouldn't love that way either.

introduction

throughout my 21 yrs, i have discovered that writing is the best way for me to express my feelings and analyze those feelings.  so through this blog, i'm going to share my life--the ins & outs and ups & downs.  the next 5 months are potentially going to be the most stressful, overwhelming, exciting 5 months of my life (thus far), so get ready.

Here is an overview of what the next 5 months hold:

• my little sister starting her first year of college (we're close, so it's kind of a big deal to me)
• i will be living with my parents again (well currently are) for the first time in 3 yrs 
• my final semester of undergraduate school!! (consisting of 17 hrs and a part-time job--not to mention my duties as a peer leader for transfer students to my university)
  
• graduation from acu in december!! (december 11th to be exact, i'm kind of counting down)
• my big move from abilene to dallas!
• moving in with kyle--this is a huuge deal to me (and i'm so excited about it!)

that is just a small overview of some of the bigger happenings in my life over the next 5 months.  the Lord only knows all the "small" things that will happening as well.

so buckle up, buddy.  it's going to be a wild ride.